| if only i could push rewind |
[24 Feb 2006|12:49am] |
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due to my lack of a place to turn i return to trusty old livejournal. i have a problem..i need to shut up. i need to go to an all girls school. i need to shut up. think before you speak. read before you push send. STOP SCARING PEOPLE OFF. its not always good to tell them EXACTLY what youre thinking. i mean ya ill rationalize it to where i meant for it to happen...but lets be real. im sad and mad and about to cry. i could have worked it out. now they both think im a nutcase. maybe i am. shit ineed to figure this out and fix it. fuck im sooooo stupid. he was good. or not? i dont know but it seemed good. his flaws were nothing compared to so many others. and i went and fucked it up so i wouldnt eventually get hurt. but now im hurt. but maybe i cope better when i hurt myself as opposed to them hurting me. im stil in control that way. wow maybe that is it. i do it every time. every every time. maybe he isnt worth it cuz he reacted like that. or maybe im just a nutcase.
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[29 Nov 2005|08:56pm] |
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michael jackson numbe 1 hits |
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have you ever felt so sure of everything yet at the same time completely lost? or like youre doing everything okay yet you feel like you cant do anything right? or that youre life is good but then you feel like youre not living?i want to do so much...yet i do nothing. do i want to get away? or is that running away? do i not match up? or are you unable to handle all i am? i embody too much for you yet not enough for me.
i will turn 19 on saturday...entering my last year as a teenager. teenage angst get over it because i can only claim you for 1 more year..then
i h a v e t o g r o w u p. . .
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| no need for boys |
[12 Sep 2005|06:46pm] |
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En Vogue |
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wowo i havent updated in here since prom! and wow-EVERYTHING has changed since prom!
well this summer...
- my momma and sister moved to Alabama and im living with my Pops in a house of 6 now.
- I started College of the Canyons and I looove college freedom..high school was not half as fun as college!
-had a fling
-kissed a few boys :)
-grew even more in love with my 3 sisters- Alisha, Diane, and Christine
- had my first male stripper experience..let me tell u WOW
- GOT A TATTOOOOOO!!! yay
otherwise....ive partied, relaxed, figured out some goals, gained independence and had TONS OF FUN!
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| tons of money well spent |
[05 Jun 2005|08:42pm] |
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Cater to you-Destinys Child |
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prom was perfect.
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| my life nowadays |
[28 Mar 2005|10:22pm] |
Tooseeyouxsmile [10:16 PM]: I was with alisha the WHOLE time
x free dom 14 [10:16 PM]: haha
x free dom 14 [10:16 PM]: You 2..
Tooseeyouxsmile [10:16 PM]: what about us 2?
x free dom 14 [10:16 PM]: partners in crime
Tooseeyouxsmile [10:17 PM]: hahahhah damn straight
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[06 Mar 2005|09:21pm] |
wow...im sooo happy right now. This feeling is so wierd, im even excited for school tomorrow.
:-D
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[27 Feb 2005|09:06pm] |
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sfkgbskjgbskj |
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i had the greatest week ever!!
first we win to taft and had a great performance. Then it was my mini-me's sweet 16! Happy Birthday Julie! Then, even though we lost on friday it was fun because i enjoyed my last bus ride with the basketball team. aw! I got a new crush!! I had TONS of fun at winter formal. I was ghetto fabulous and danced it up with my girls, the boys, and my hott asian friends. I Realized i need to end a friendship in order to keep my heart in one piece. So, goodbye him. Plus Diane and I made it for the senior fashion show :):) How great of a week. AND not starting school until 9! Wow im loving second semester senior year!
Quotes of the week:
"Oh, she LOVES black men!"-Mason
"Katie loves black guys"-Johanna announcing to the WHOLE bus
"Wait i have a question...what did you eat?" -Julie
"Jenny Craig, Jenny Craig, Jenny Craig"-Our squad to Westchester..ALMOST
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| cleveland wuuuduuup! |
[23 Feb 2005|10:16pm] |
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go dumb! |
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this post is completely dedicated to Matt Harrison!!!
THIS WAS HIS GAME MAN! he was on POINT!!!! GO MATT!
yay we beat taft! Our routine was flawless and ms. hall liked it! this was a triumph.
I love all the fights and police after the game. I love our little ghetto valley school. its cute!
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| im so sick of fucking retarded ass people that cant listen to directions and learn to dance! |
[22 Feb 2005|10:16pm] |
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cheer mix routine |
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oh how i love the joy of cheering. Practice until 9:45 at night and all the way until the game starts at 7:30 tomorrow is just so much fun. Especially without any food and having to run in the rain. Gosh, i sure will miss this when i graduate.
haha NOT
EDIT// to assure matt that i love him and dont want them to lose i'll post: GOOOD LUCK TOMORROW NELSY!!!
ps.im not bitter, im just tired. plus, he is coming to the game tomorrow and that always makes me smile. :)
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| get me out! |
[17 Feb 2005|07:39pm] |
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fucking cheer |
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Life would be great if Mr Lemmon would me out of Core and Ms Gold would get me out of math and then if we can lose to Monroe tomorrow night so basketball season can be over. That would be perfect.
I could then just cruise my way to graduation and out of cleveland FOREVERRR!!
(Or atleast ms hall can just kick me off for the rest of basketball season...then i still wouldnt have to go. aw-too high of hopes.)
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| just my luck |
[11 Feb 2005|10:45pm] |
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spice girls |
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its crazy how i literally spent tops, 5 minutes with him today and it made my day. i went from blah to walking on clouds. he really is something special, he lifts my spirits up and makes me feel like a million bucks.
of course, he is the one thing that i cant have.
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[08 Feb 2005|02:07pm] |
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uuurr-sher |
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The coolest thing happened yesterday:
While quickly turning the faucet on and off to get my toothbrush wet, i looked down at the little sink plug. On it was the distinct image of ITALY molded by water drops. It looked EXACTLY like the boot shaped country. i wanted to take a picture because it was the coolest thing ever, but i didnt have a camera.
anyways,it made my life complete.
AND AND: So did parking in the 2 hour parking zone for 4 hours today, and not getting a ticket.
fuck yah!
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[05 Feb 2005|05:52pm] |
YAY! After i graduate im getting an apartment with Lauren and Alisha. I cant wait!!
I am so excited to move out on my own. Plus, living at my grandparaetns forces me to have the boring room that they decorated. Im craving to put my own creativity in my room. oooh graduation come now please!!!
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[03 Feb 2005|09:42pm] |
oceanlove444 [9:39 PM]: 1. hi
oceanlove444 [9:39 PM]: 2. i love your boobs
oceanlove444 [9:39 PM]: 3. what are you doign after school
hahaha i love her.
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| fuck finals, lets get ....... |
[03 Feb 2005|06:42pm] |
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tick tock tick tock |
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HAHAHA last night was sooo funny. There was me being paranoid as can be wanting to move my car up and thinking the people driving by were alll cops. Kevin was staring out the window thinking about life. Jason thought he saw ET and was at universal studios. Jeremy was giving me a pep talk on love and turned it into a song. WHAT a Wednesday night.
Best Quotes:
"You volvo head with sunflower seeds"-Jason Pounds
" THe inivisible flying stars"-Jeremy
hahahahhaha oh, what fun!
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| hatred i never thought i could have |
[30 Jan 2005|08:35pm] |
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her feelings? her feelings? you first tear apart my family, never letting me understand what its like to have your parents living under the same roof full of love and happiness. then you abuse me my whole life-physically and mentally- make me feel like shit for being born, fight with her every day because i was there and wasnt your child. tell me every time that if it came down to it she would choose you over me, her daughter. then you kick me out and prove it. she did chose you over me. you, the person she supposedly doesnt even love. she wanted to work on me moving back in, yet two weeks after i left, my room was turned into her office! yah, really working on it huh? i get yelled at for having a relationship with my father, for the first time in my entire life we have a relationship and thats a bad thing? you can do anything you want to me..it doesnt matter because im the bad guy here. she no longer resembles the woman i loved with all my heart. i no longer know her. thanks,its what you always wanted. we are out of eachothers lives. its official now.
your marriage should get along just fine now, since i was the subject of all your fights. you fucking jealous, alcoholic bastard. i hate that i have wasted so many tears on you, you dont deserve them. i hope you die and i mean it. i would cry tears of fucking joy then-those you would deserve.
dont ever fucking call me again asking if i care about her becuase shes going crazy. if you cared about her even a little bit you wouldnt have been the way you were the whole time. the root of this is you. you won. you pushed away something she loved and loved her back to the fullest extent becuase youre too big of an asshole for your own son to love, he ran away. i get it now. if you cant have yours, she cant have hers.
thanks.
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| yay to pointless entries |
[30 Jan 2005|12:47am] |
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natalie imbruglia |
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i absolutely love my friends. Diane, Christine, Alisha, Johanna, Julie, Sanaz, Lauren, Shideh, Cynthia. I FUCKING LOVE THEM.
I also love my sisters and brother. They are the best things in the whole entire world. I am at my happiest when with them :)
We killed the Taft cheerleaders. The crowd boomed with applause after our performance, we finally did something right this year!
<3 Put that face away, im melting for you. <3
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| oh those crazy cheerleaders. |
[19 Jan 2005|09:23pm] |
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half time routine mix |
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"guys gotta hit the spot...they cant lightly brush over it. I like some force, some hit in it...not some calm shit! This isnt like your rocking someone to bed! Put some god damn force in it!!"
Conversations with Alisha are my favorite. My love for her grows and grows every day. hahah
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| having no homework rocks my effing socks. |
[18 Jan 2005|07:56pm] |
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i bought shampoo and conditioner for only $2.79! |
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hmm... so i like Nietzsche(for the most part). His ideas arent anything new to me, just a name to put to a philosophy that i have always had a similar rendition of. Im really trying to re-evaluate myself to make myself a better person. In all honesty, it does make me a happier person and i "suffer" less...or whatever...when i am able to be true to me and who i want to be. My self reflection has taken awhile to finally figure some things out and at many points thought it was going nowhere. Im finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I realize i needed to go through those people/friendships, moods, tears, laughs, and ass kicking(bad and good) times to be able to get to a place where i can kinda "get it." Dont get me wrong, i dont get much but i see where im headed, and that's more then i can say for myself the past 4 years.
I found a new movie obsession, new boy to conquer, new friend to talk to, and i figured out what i really want to do with my life.
This weekend was awesome, i had a life and went out and it was fun. Friday's clubbin' with the girls and then Mel's combined with Saturday's dinner and party with friends made Alisha's birthday weekend quite fun. My adventure to Hollywood with Diane and Yadira on Monday sealed the envelope for a fun, worry free weekend. More need to be like this.
p.s. today when mr miller's voice went crazy and sounded like he sucked helium out of a balloon was the highlight of my life. Thank you.
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